Advice for Crazy Women

The Adventures of Boy Crazy Tina

The cartoon above illustrates something that I find particularly humorous as a 30-somethings single gal who regularly attends church. The speech bubbles are a little hard to read, so I will fill you in below:

Panel A) 6:30pm - Tina arrives at a new church group, and a person of the male persuasion greets her.
"Hey, my name is Stan, nice to meet you. Are you new here?"  
Tina replies verbally, "Hi! I'm Tina! It's my first visit, yes!"
But in her head she is thinking, "Oh my gosh, he totally likes me!"

Panel B) 8:15pm - Bible study is over and everyone is standing around chatting. Stan the greeter approaches Tina.
"We all go out to dinner after service, you should totally come!"
Tina replies verbally, "Wow, that sounds totally fun! I'd love to go."
But in her head she is thinking, "It must be true! He totally wants me there! He IS kind of cute! Wow, I'm so excited!"

Panel C) 9:30pm - All at dinner now, Stan takes the lead and says a quick prayer before the food arrives. 
"Lord, we thank You for this time together, and for the food we are about to eat. In Jesus' name, Amen."
Tina thinks to herself, ""OMG... How spiritual! I should really get to know him!"

Panel D) 10:45pm - Dinner is over and everyone is going their separate ways. Stan says goodbye to Tina.
"Thanks again for coming! It was great to meet you! See you next week?"
Tina replies verbally, "It was totally fun! Thanks! Yes, I'll be back next week!"
But in her head she is thinking, "[Swoon!] I think I've found 'The One'!"    

While this comic is somewhat absurd and... comical... I think that this sort of thing probably happens more often than we realize! (And I can speak from personal experience on this!) 

But what can we, as women, do to keep our brains from running off with the wind into some fairy tale wonderland not based in the remotest field of reality? If I knew how to fix the fickleness of the female heart I think I would be far richer (and far wiser!). But certainly God's word will give us some practical wisdom!

1.) Think on what is true. Philippians 4:8 tells us, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

What is true is that--

a) A guy being polite and friendly doesn't indicate he is interested in you. At all. Nope- Not even if he smiles at you. Or approaches you particularly to say hello. Just... No.

b) If a guy is interested in you he will ask you out and be intentional in his pursuit; he is not a girl, he will not drop subtle hints or be sly about it. If you think he likes you but isn't asking you out, you're probably wrong!
c) Hoping for the affections of a guy who doesn't even value you enough to overcome the awkwardness of asking you out is a foolish thing to do - Get over it! Move on! SO not worth it! 

d) If it's an "if", then it's not true! Even if it happens later, it is not, technically speaking, true now. 

e) There are no exceptions. You are not the exception. Get your head out of the clouds!

2.) Take every thought captive! 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Making a thought obedient to Christ means--

a) You're not going to dwell on, stew over, meditate on, ponder, analyze, interpret, guess, wonder, fantasize about, daydream about, or otherwise muse on or contemplate things that are not true - See #1.

b) You are going to mediate on those things which are pleasing to the Lord - See #1.

c) You should read your Bible regularly so that your mind is filled with His truth, and keep in prayer and ask for wisdom to be able to rightly divide truth from error. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

3.) LET. IT. GO. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick," Proverbs 13:12a warns. 

If you sit around hoping and pining over some boy (who has not met point 1b or falls under 1c) then you are just making your own heart sick. You cannot focus, you are probably being really lame to your friends, and most importantly you are inhibiting your own usefulness in service to God because you are so distracted. 

Paul rightly said in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35 (NIV, emphasis mine), 

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord."

Our quest and duty as godly single ladies is not to be to hunt down a match (though admittedly we would be happy to find one), but to serve the Lord with the time, resources and freedom He has given us now. I know, you've heard it a thousand times before! I know it probably irks you to hear it again - I know it does me at times. 

But having personally lived out all the craziness I wrote about above, I can safely say that it is by far, FAR superior to be single and NOT falling head over heals for every guy that breathes anywhere near your general presence, able to serve the Lord with singleness of heart and mind.

This is my rant for the evening, ladies! (And to myself, first and foremost!)

If you still need all this drilled into your brain, I recommend watching the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You"... Seriously, go watch it!

Commercialism, Greed and Sushi

Las Vegas. Land of enchantment, enticement and entertainment. City of sin, seduction and secrets. From 'round the globe people of all backgrounds, cultures and races flock here to satiate their desires for feasting, pleasure and a chance at striking it rich. Yet as diverse as its visitors may be, they all share one, fallen nature.

I flew out here Wednesday for a short work trip; Las Vegas (Lost Wages) is never a place I look forward to visiting. Everywhere you look there is something scandalous or sensual thrown in your face. You can't even get into a taxi cab without the seductively smooth voice of the world whispering in your ear via per-recorded advertisements and images.

Perhaps I find this place so offensive because it reminds me of how weak I am, and forces me to stand firm in the strength of God's power. Because it literally bombards people with the things they have struggled with and battled against most. Because like the boisterous woman of Proverbs 5-7 it calls out to the foolish in the streets, and like the great City of Revelation 18 it is famous for selling even the "bodies and souls of men" for gain.

Yet...

Though this is my general take on Las Vegas from a mile high, always once I arrive, "zoom in" and deal with the everyday business of life in this unique city a different portrait begins to fill the canvas. There are details and colors not visible from above.

The people I work with here are terrific. I enjoy spending time with them, talking with and getting to know them. I've heard some of their stories, received their hospitality and have been blessed by their generosity. They are people, just like any other people, and no better or worse for the city in which they live and work and make their lives. Some of them have moved here not for lust or pleasure, but for work, cost of living, or simply were born here and have known nothing else.

Others though have indeed moved out here to "stock the forbidden fruit in their pantries", and are not ashamed but rather glory in the possibilities and potentials of their city's freedoms (Romans 1). Yet perhaps these latter people are more honest than some others. They readily acknowledge their desires and do not hide them behind closed doors. They do not publicly condemn and then secretly practice. Not that such an honesty makes them any less guilty or deserving of judgment in the end, but it is to say to myself that I should not be so quick to condemn based on outward appearances.

Tomorrow is my last day here and will be spent primarily at the airport. And despite the typical grief of heart Las Vegas brings me, I can say I have enjoyed my quick visit because of the love I have been able to show to the people here for Christ's sake. I am sad for my myopic attitude at the beginning of my trip, one that focused on me and not others, but glad that God saw fit to open my understanding and give me a love for lost people, not only here but everywhere.

And for the sake of my title, I will mention that I also enjoyed some good sushi. ;o)

On the Road Again

I'm sitting here sipping (okay, devouring) a Starbucks vanilla spice frappuccino at San Diego Airport. I typically wouldn't order a frappuccino, especially so early in the morning, but they had the samples out and they got to me. Now I am shivering from the cold iciness that's filling my insides.

It's been a couple months since I have flown for work; I've been somewhat local in SoCal since November which has been nice because I've been able to freely attend all kinds of holiday gatherings. But as much as I like being home, a part of me really missed the adventure of travel. (Shhh, I might have to actually admit that I *like* to travel!)

There is something about the independence that provokes me to take responsibility for myself and to act grown up. There is something about going out into the (somewhat) unknown and being (somewhat) spontaneous... I say somewhat as I've been to all these places before. Nevertheless, there's something about being able to regularly visit different areas, states, people, and meeting so many new and random people along the way. Yes, I would definitely miss never traveling again, as much as I disdain packing and living out of a bag (and missing my Tempurpedic mattress!).

So I am happily anticipating this trip. After 4 1/2 years of doing this I have been softened and relieved of my need to have all my ducks in a row and everything planned out. I am sitting outside security, chilling (literally) with my iPad writing a blog, unworried about the broken wheels on and impending death of my rolling briefcase, unconcerned about how I will get from my arrival airport to my destination, and not in any hurry to ensure I am at my gate for my flight that boards in 25 minutes. (Although I can SEE my gate from here so I think I am still a far cry from a Type-B personality... Perhaps I'm just an A- now...!)

Anyway, I just thought I'd take some time to jot down these thoughts. Blogging has a way of lightening the number of Facebook posts I assault my friends with each day, and is a great outlet for the myriads of thoughts running through my mind and my apparently extroverted need to share and talk with others. ;)

Happy Tuesday! Until we meet again...

"Say Goodbye"

It's been a quite long while since I've felt inspired to write a song. For a long time this really bothered me as previously I had written very regularly; I thought perhaps the time had come when this gift had past and that I just had to accept it. Yet every once in a while the leaves of my heart start to rustle, and for a glimmering moment, in a fit of diligence I find the labor to prove successful, even if only in part.

Tonight I was pondering the outcome of a certain situation and then continued further into general thoughts and feelings on the matter of human relationships past, present and future; in the midst of this a song started to form, which I thought I would share here.

"Say Goodbye"

 

What if you should find out what's inside - Would you run away from me?
No, I won't give you the chance to say, say Goodbye to me--
If I turn and hide and don't let you see my pain
I won't have to hear you say Goodbye.

Lord, it seems You've given me a gift to encourage others,
Written love and friendship, bold to give-- But then unravels;
To open up one's heart will bear this risk:
That I'll have to hear you say Good-

Bye-----------
Will you say Goodbye to me? We'll see... 

Always I assume the worst will come from any faith in letting (my heart) go;
Foolish though it may sound, perhaps it keeps my feet on the ground.
Always I wonder if perchance there'll be
A time when I won't have to hear Goodbye... 

(end)

The song basically encompasses the idea that there is great risk in opening up to others and sharing your heart to/for them - There is the risk of them walking away, not liking what they see, and saying "Goodbye". We have at any moment I suppose the choice to turn away and hide ourselves so that we never have to hear "Goodbye", or we can turn and face the risk head on and trust that God will keep us and heal us from any pain that may come from doing so. (I haven't incorporated that idea into the song yet, but I think I shall...)

Daily we must all decide: Will I continue on the path of openness and vulnerability and trust God, or will I turn and run in fear, hoping to protect myself from potential future pain (but in the process limiting present gain)?

I must choose to continue and to put off these silly doubts and fears, of course! Perhaps this is why Philippians 4:8 popped up in my readings today... It is a great reminder not to think on "what ifs" and possibilities, but to remain steadfast in God's truth and His love. No matter what pain may find me in this life, the next life shall be without tears, mourning, sorrow and pain. The old order of things shall have passed away, and all things will have become new. And I can hardly wait until that day!

Ponderings & Confessions

I have been going back a fair amount recently and re-reading old posts and stories I have written through the years. Tonight I spent the bulk of my evening reading writings by others, particularly a new-ish friend, and after some time I embarked upon a brief review of some of my own writings. 

I am so often tempted to compare myself to others, and thankful that the Lord has made me aware of this and has given me the grace to bring such thoughts into subjection to His truth. But I found myself wishing that my past was different, that what I shared with the world was different, and that I had been more profound, or more accurately, less superficial. So many of the things which this person had written resonated within me, yet had I ever expressed any of them? Not to the degree I perhaps would have liked. Yet even in this disappointment with myself I was comforted by God's grace. 

Fear of man - Perhaps one of the biggest snares of my life - How and why does this keep me from being the person God created me to be? Even in writing this the thought looms in the back of my mind, "Perhaps [these people] will read this and not be pleased with who I am  inside." I have been timid in really expressing myself freely because of such fears. Yet in reading these writings I was greatly encouraged and blessed by the person's openness and vulnerability - Would people not likewise profit from my own honesty? 

The thoughts swimming through my mind as I digest a full course of their musings and ideas pertain mostly to who I once was in the practice of my faith and who I now am. Don't get me wrong, I have not earned any greater salvation or holiness; rather I speak in regards to how I have become settled in how I relate to Christ within that salvation. Their posts, throughout months and years, resonate with how I feel now. But mine don't. Can I go back and edit life? I want to be represented by who I am rather than who I was...

I have come from one persuasion of the faith and have been carried into another, one which in my prior persuasion was greatly frowned upon and at times outrightly condemned. Yet it is in this latter persuasion that I have found the greatest hope, joy, peace, love and comfort in Christ that I have ever known. I speak of having begun in the Calvary movement and now attending a Reform church. While I would still (and hopefully will always) identify myself with Christ alone (and His word alone) and no particular church movement, I have found the practice of faith of the Reformed group to be much more in line with how I have come to view things. It has been an interesting and slow process, and not one that was ever expected or intended, but it has been awesome and I am truly blessed to be where I am now. I can see the fingerprints of God's sovereignty all over it!

But in going back and reading my past thoughts and blog posts, which were all written with the greatest of sincerity, I find myself somewhat ashamed of what I have written (and by connection, who I have been). There were a few particular years when I ran full force in a particular line of spiritual thought to my almost utter destruction (emotionally and mentally). I was isolated from my friends and family and in truth was probably in a very bad place, though at the time I thought I was on some grand adventure of faith. And the thing that most shames me is that I was sincere about my zeal for Christ through it all, yet horribly ignorant.

It is passages like 1 Corinthians 15:58 ("Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.") and Romans 8:28 ("And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.") which have brought me great comfort. 

I expect that revealing the truth of this matter will probably bring displeasure to some, yet I am finding it disadvantageous to continue to skirt the matter when with non-Reform groups for fear of judgment. I have in the past experienced heart-breaking judgment within the church (whether perceived, actual or a mix of the two only God fully knows), and so I have sought to avoid confrontation and judgment by doing the Mexican Hat Dance around any sort of church or theological conversation. But dancing doesn't ever produce good fellowship or mutual edification!

Most recently I have been utterly blessed by attending a post-college group at a church nearby my own; the church is not Reformed (to my knowledge) but I have found such sweet fellowship and complete lack of judgment there that I only just recently realized that I once feared such things. I had worn my shame for past mistakes like a Scarlet Letter emblazoned across my bosom; somewhere along the lines I forgot to pick it up and put it on and no one seemed to notice. 

One particular person in this group I have recently learned is also of the Reformed persuasion, and I had such an awesome time discussing along with them and the group the various comforts and blessings that come from the assurance of one's salvation and the fear that comes from lack of such assurance. This single conversation was a great encouragement to me to not be ashamed of where the Lord has brought me or of His gospel and His word. 

I am just awestruck as I sit in wonder at the work that God has done and is doing in my life. I could not have written a better story had I had ten thousand years to do so! I no longer feel a need to try to figure out what He is doing - I am just going to sit and praise Him as He does it. I am learning to interweave the Gospel of His glorious grace into any and every circumstance of life, and it is a beautiful thing indeed. I have started keeping a 365 day journal for this new year and am excited to be able to look back when it is past and see in black and white all He has done. 

I realize that some of these thoughts are somewhat disconnected and undirected, but I think the title of my post should hopefully have prepared you for this. ;)  

For now I shall leave you with these thoughts. Until we meet again...