What of Grace?

Paul asked the Galatians (after calling them foolish), "Having begun in the Spirit, are you now being made perfect by the flesh?" The question, rhetorical, is meant to be met with a resounding, "No! Of course not, that would be ludicrous."

But we slip into a works-based mindset so easily! It is our de facto modus operandi and it is only through the work of the Spirit that we can rest in His grace. Believing, even subtly, that if we accomplish [this] that God will bless us with [that], we are saying that God's gifts are earned and not given in grace; from a pay raise to a relationship, a healing to an opportunity granted, this works mentality permeates our culture, sub-consciences and our prayers.

But what of grace?
Do we truly, deeply, fully understand God's superabundant, supernatural grace (favor) toward us?

Paul wrote to the Ephesians (vs. 1:17-19 AMP),
"For I always pray to the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, that He may grant you a spirit of wisdom and revelation of insight into mysteries and secrets in the deep and intimate knowledge of Him, By having the eyes of your heart flooded with light, so that you can know and understand the hope to which He has called you, and how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints His set-apart ones, And so that you can know and understand what is the immeasurable and unlimited and surpassing greatness of His power in and for us who believe, as demonstrated in the working of His mighty strength..."

To believers Paul wrote that he constantly prayed they would understand the mystery and depths of the hope we have in Christ and the knowledge of Him... I think that includes His grace (since "it is by grace [we] have been saved through faith...").

I don't think I've come close to scratching the surface of His immeasurable grace.

I seek to apply it and the Gospel of His grace in all I do, to all my relationships, and to myself daily; and yet fears, doubts and insecurities pop up as if they were part of a cosmic game of whack-a-mole that I can never win this side of eternity! Perhaps He grants us new mercies each morning because each day we realize more and more what miserable wretches we are; we need to reapply the ointment of grace to our parched and withering, sinful souls daily.

I just think... I so often doubt His willingness to bless me. At times I question my purpose or relevant place/ worth in the grand scheme of His plan. I feel as though I am of little consequence, insignificant, and cannot fathom why anyone would set their sights on me. What do I have to offer? Surely there is someone better. (Reminds me of someone... *Gideon*)

And while I think that biblically speaking, from a spiritual standpoint these suppositions are foundationally true, they also scream of ignorance of God's great grace, His redemption, His power and His sovereignty.

It is true There is no reason inherent in me for Him to bless me - Yet He has chosen to, not because of my worth but because of His great love (Eph. 2:4) and His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself (Eph. 1:9). He has hidden me in Christ, has adopted me as His daughter, betrothed me as His bride and declared me justified and righteous in Christ - And has thus promised to bless me (regardless of my natural, sinful state or worth apart from Christ).

It is also true that He doesn't need me/ that I have nothing to offer that He needs. And yet again, He has CHOSEN to use me, include me in His divine plans and accomplish His purposes in and through me as part of His body here on earth. Eph. 2:10 says we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which He prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Paul admonishes the believers in 1 Cor. 12:14-27, reminding them that though all parts of the body vary in purpose, they are all equally necessary and valuable. SO, though I deserve nothing but the fires of damnation, God has given me purpose, gifts, and prepared works for me to do in this life. So in Christ it is not true to say that I, or any other believer, am inconsequential, insignificant, or someone God should pass up for someone better.

The modern movement of human affirmation is a thorn in my eye; in the church it works itself out in common neglect of the concept of total depravity. Yet though they often leave human depravity out of the equation when affirming Christ's love for us (thus minimizing the gospel of grace, in my opinion), they DO excel I suppose in viewing Christ's bride (us) through the lens of His blood and redemption. Shall I neglect His redeeming power and grace to highlight the power of sin? Are not His grace and His power GREATER than all my sin? Surely there is some delicate balance in affirming the truth of both - And this is what I shall seek!

Grace... So easy to identify and yet so impossible to fully grasp! A lifelong quest it shall be for each of us who bear His name......

Did Jonah Have Girl Friends?

Today I was sitting and thinking and realized that sometimes Jonah and I, we have a lot in common!

Not in the most literal sense: I am not running from the direct, prophetic call of God or any clear commandment of His. But sometimes I would like to just RUN and escape my circumstances; like Jonah sitting on top of the mountain watching Ninevah below I find I have the same stinky attitude he had when his miraculous shade plant died: "It would be better for me to have died!" (Me: "I'd rather You just kill me already than deal with this!")

Knowing better than to run, it remains an internalized wish rather than an actualized plan ~ Although I have in the past seriously considered moving to some far off region just to start anew, hoping that whatever I was facing would not follow. But as I once wrote in the lyrics of a song, "Sometimes I just want to run away, to get as far as I'll go... But what is the thing that I'm running from? It follows wherever I go..."

I read a blog post the other day that a friend posted on Facebook; I checked out what other posts the author had written and found one titled, "Singleness Was My Safety Net". Being single this naturally piqued my interest, so I read it. In the blog the author talks about how though she wanted very much so to be married, after having been single for so long she found it more comfortable and "safe" to remain single: In singleness there is no rejection, broken heart, relational pain, etc.

While at first I didn't think I could relate much, after I finished it and mulled it over a bit I realized I had a similar mindset. I have wanted to get married since the day I stopped thinking boys had cooties, and yet after being single for so many years (and after trials I've faced) I'm finding that the reality of any kind of real relationship pretty much just freaks me out! The risks, the commitment, the change involved...!

❦ ❦ ❦

Today I read another blog post from a website called The Council on Biblical Manhood & Womanhood (CBMW), "Can Guys and Girls be 'Just Friends?'" The post showed a video of a guy interviewing various girls and guys across a college campus and posited the conclusion that guys and girls cannot, in fact, be "just friends" (meaning absolutely no romantic or physical attraction on either side). I don't think it included acquaintance-type relationships but more so actual, close friendships.

It was an interesting video because all the girls flat out said, "yes" when asked if guys and girls could be "just friends", but all the guys said, "no". At the end (spoiler alert!) they showed the interviewer asking the girls, after they'd said yes, whether they thought that their guy friends had any physical or romantic interest in them. All the girls pretty much said yes, and had to finally conclude that their initial answer was wrong and thus guys and girls cannot be "just friends". 

This is a question that hits home to me. I grew up, non-Christian, believing that males and females were basically the same internally (mentally/emotionally) and only differed in their physical makeup. Most of my friends were guys as a kid, though my 2 "best friends" were girls. I would have argued that yes, guys and girls could indeed be good friends; I had 1 friend after high school that I was really close to that I had zero romantic interest in - Yet I never asked him his part. Others... Looking back (post childhood) I really don't think there was even one with mutual zero interest!

I have learned the hard way over the years that men and women are painfully different in their internal/emotional as well as physical makeup; there seems to be an invisible line that you just shouldn't cross in guy/girl friendships. That line may be different for each individual guy/girl pair, but nonetheless I'm sure it's there. 

❦ ❦ ❦

At one point I decided that it would be a good practice to be direct and up-front about any interest I had in a guy. This would beg the question of his interest/ lack-thereof and eliminate that long and drawn-out guessing period. I like intentionality and knowing where I stand.

The first time I tested out this concept it worked out pretty well (answer no, problem solved), so when next I found myself interested in someone I tried it again - Only it didn't work out so well. The first time I was unemotional yet clear, logical and poised, but in the second... I wasn't as careful in my expression (Instead try crazy girl-in-love that makes guys run away screaming confessional!). On top of that, in working through that whole mess I received a nice rebuke that, though somewhat maddening I knew I needed to heed. So I decided that perhaps this methodology was faulty and should be abandoned!

 ❦ ❦ ❦

So how do these things connect? Am I asking if Jonah had girl friends??

Relational matters are the ones that tend to send me running like Jonah. Friend(s) who are interested in more, friend(s) that are not though I was - This after being single for so long is enough to make me say, "Lord, kill me already!" and take the next train out of town.

I'm used to my affections being non-reciprocated like Eponine in Les Miserables (who sang On My Own)... It's almost easier to be rejected, as at least it's the familiar - But to be desired after? That is a strange thing indeed and I scarcely believe it is plausible most days! 

By God's grace I've decided that none of these internal struggles will keep me from doing what is wise or godly; however I sometimes wonder if I should muster up some good pity for the poor fellow who decides to finally pursue me! I trust it will work out in God's timing.

Sigh! Those boats to Tarshish aren't sounding so bad right now... Or flights abroad for work... ;-)