Christmastime

It's Christmastime once again, my favourite time of year. This year has been an interesting one for sure! My mind and heart have been consumed with my own personal trials, and then there are/have been the trials of my family, friends and nation. It seems like 2012 has been a rough year for many, if not most.

My heart breaks for the families of those kids in Connecticut... Not only for their unfathomably tragic grief and loss, but that it happened in what is supposed to be such a happy time of year. Christmastime is a special time of year when we have an even greater open door to share the love of Christ with those who don't know His saving grace - And it seems as though evil is laughing and mocking, "HA! See if they will listen to your Christ NOW!" Yet God is bigger than evil, and even on the darkest day in history - when the Son of God was killed - evil's supposed greatest triumph was turned into the very thing that won its defeat. So I have faith - But my heart still breaks for them. I can't imagine...

It's now been almost 1 full year since my former church closed its doors and was dissolved due to lack of finances. I have really enjoyed my new church, though I still miss my old church family. God has abundantly blessed me also with finding a new fellowship of people my own age to socialize and hang out with - And at just the right time! I could not convey what amazingly providential timing it was! 

As I look back over the past couple years I am amazed at the work the Lord has done in me and the things He has taught me; I am most amazed at what I have learned this very year. And I am looking forward to next year and all that He will do then. I had felt that life was over, that I was at a dead end, and tried to decide to just give up hope that things would ever change. Not that I gave up faith in God - I just got tired of unmet expectations and desires and thought I would be less disappointed if I just gave up having desires and hopes. 

The funny thing is that God can bring you through circumstances and things can look almost exactly the same on the outside, but somehow you've changed on the inside and your outlook on life completely changes. I don't know how that works, but it's pretty awesome! 

I know this is all very vague and ambiguous, but it would take me way too long to expound. I haven't shared much of my innermost thoughts and feelings with many people over the past few years, and like Mary in the Bible I feel I've been "keeping these things and pondering them in [my] heart" for the most part. But I thought I would write up my annual year-end debrief and acknowledge how good God has been to me and all He has done! He is so faithful, and I am SO thankful that He proves Himself to me over and over again though I am so fickle and feeble. Thank You Lord! ♥ Amen. 

    

Mindful

When you find yourself evaluating every little word,
You wonder if it will be noticed, or passed over, never heard... 

When each time you see the image - The colors faded, black -
You pause for just a second as though it had some knack...

It seems something has gotten hold of the central part of you;
Though you try to stop it, ignore it, forget it - it lingers, carries through... 

"Will you be gone, oh foolish thought?" you tell it in despair;
But ever lurking 'round the corner it's waiting for you there... 

Hurried you try to outrun its course, but find again you've failed - 
At the finish line it stands there waving - Having happily prevailed. 

"I'll pretend I do not see you," you laugh under your breath;
But even though it fades a moment, it shall give you no due rest. 

"HERE I AM!" It yells with fervor - Alarming you from your sleep!
Cover your head with a dozen pillows - It will not leave you be. 

"Oh go away!" you vainly whimper, defeat sounds in your voice;
Yet no such pleasure shall it give you as it carries on its noise. 

It only worsens as each day passes, and you fear you're getting weak;
But "what if?" "how can?" and "it shall never," your counselors do speak. 

Now reinforced stands your endeavor NOT to let it in;
You continue reading though in your doorway it makes such awful din. 

"I don't hear you, la la la," you sing with hands on head,
While quietly wondering in your deepest what will be its end... 

Report Card

So today at church our scripture reading before the sermon (in between worship songs) was from Romans 12:3-21. Being my turn to sing this week I was on stage at this point. 

The 2nd guitar player (a sweet lady) and I were seated on the pew in the back of the stage, sharing a Bible and following along as the passage was read. As the scripture progressed, our happy faces turned somewhat to frowns as we realized how far short we fell of the ideals of our Lord.

I whispered in her ear, "I got a big fat 'F'," motioning a letter F across the Bible page. She agreed that was her report card grade too. 

In second service when we took our seat on the back pew for the reading, she whispered, "Here we go again!" This time I said, "Yes, but because of His grace this is our grade," and motioned a letter A across the Bible page... 

We had briefly talked about the goodness of His gospel after the first service, and how we need to constantly remind ourselves that it is never by anything we have done that we are approved in Him... 

At the first we are saved by His grace, and even now we only continue to stand by His grace... There is NEVER anything we can do or say to add or diminish from this... 

And for THAT I am eternally thankful!!! AMEN. 

Excitement!

It's been a roller coaster of a past few weeks for sure! I'm excited to see what the Lord is doing in and through my life. Here are some tidbits...

~FAMILY~
At the beginning of this month I flew up to San Francisco to work at the airport for a week ~ "Coincidentally" (I'm sure God planned it!) I ended up being up there for my brother's 30th birthday, and was able to have a nice birthday dinner with him (he lives up in the Bay area). It was an unexpected evening and a good time, having dinner at The Franciscan.

I got home Friday night about midnight, and then at 7:30am Saturday morning got a text from my brother that he and his wife were going to be driving down to buy a dog from a breeder in San Diego.

About 1pm I got a call from my sister-in-law saying my brother wasn't feeling well, they were in [city], can they come over. The city they were in happened to be only 6 miles from my house! Another "coincidence"... ;) They came over so my brother could rest before the 8-10 hr drive home.

But things weren't looking good and my brother wasn't in any condition to make the ride back up. His wife couldn't stay over so she drove home with the puppy and I would drive him to the airport once he was better. I took him to the E.R. and he felt a lot better after that, but even by Sunday he wasn't up to the flight home and so stayed another night.

Monday he was finally able to fly home. The interesting and amazing part of it all is that we had a REALLY great time that weekend despite his being sick ~ The Lord was really working in his heart and in his life, and it was SUCH a blessing to watch and be a part of! I am so blessed to have been able to be there for him and help him out.

~CHURCH~
I had been feeling down and discouraged, in particular since my grandpa passed away in April... I was really just not feeling myself and pretty apathetic toward just about everything. I knew God was (and is) good, and He was in control and had blessed me tremendously, but I was just feeling discouraged.

Then this past Sunday I ended up having a nice, encouraging talk with one of my pastors and his wife. After we talked they prayed for me, and it was like a burden had been lifted from me - Even though nothing had really changed circumstantially.

The week prior I had been invited to a beach Bible study group - I missed the first week, but this week I was able to go. I opened up my laptop to try and get the directions again, but Facebook was being weird and I couldn't load the page, or find the post from that day in the news feed, or find it using the command+F search function.............. It was crazy. I finally found it though and got on my way.

Then when I got there, I totally didn't have a clue where the group was. By the jetty? Lifeguard tower 16? Paid parking? I'm from Orange County, I'm pretty clueless about San Diego beaches. So of course I totally got lost. And I was about to give up but prayed, "God, if you really want me to go, please help me find it..." And then suddenly I had a mental image of where to park and where to go. Awesome!

Now I didn't know whether I would know anyone at this group, except for one girl, and I didn't even know if she'd be there. So here I am, wandering the beach, looking for people I don't know. LOL. I thought, it's a group of Christians, someone's gotta have a guitar or a Bible...! Lo and behold, the last fire pit in the area ~ A group of people standing in a circle and someone playing guitar. BINGO!

I had a great time at the beach and met a couple of new people, and they told me the beach group was a part of a post-college Bible study group at a church in the area. The group sounded interesting, so I made a point to go to their regular meeting the following night. I met some more new people, and had a really great time.

It's been SO long since I've been a part of a small group at church, a group of people in my life circumstances/ age range... And it was so encouraging. The Lord really knows how to answer prayers!!! Even when we are weak and doubting.

~IN CLOSING~
God is so awesome to remind us of His goodness all the time... I can be so faithless, and so lame, yet He loves and blesses me anyway! And life hasn't been without its trials, even since these blessings have happened... But I have been reminded time and again of His faithfulness.

I am excited to see what He has in store next... :)
Even when I think things will never change and always be the same, He has ways of doing things that I never even thought of. ♡

Time Flies

Time flies. The older I get the more I realize "the adults" were right - You get older but you never really feel older...

In 11 minutes it will be my 32nd birthday (well technically I'll be 32 at 5:19pm)... Yet I feel the same as 22, 25, 28... Just wiser perhaps, and less flexible physically (haha).

Well, here's to you 31, and welcome, 32 - May you be the best year yet! I'm curious to see what the Lord has in store......

A Mid-February's Night's Dream

After several years of writing a blog I am noticing that it is becoming harder and harder to come up with unique and somewhat catchy post titles. So "A Mid-February's Night's Dream" is what you get this month!

This evening I was feeling inspired in the kitchen sort of way, and embarked upon a veggie cooking spree such as has been unseen for some time in my home. I'm not normally much of a vegetable eater - I like them, but they usually go bad before I get around to eating them, and I'm usually too lazy to chop them, etc.

So I whipped up this veggie pasta dish that was just absolutely amazing... And gluten free! Although if you're partial to gluten, all you'd need to do is substitute wheat pasta... ;)

First I chopped up some sun-dried tomato & basil chicken sausages and tossed them into a dry, hot pan - Oh the sound of the meat hitting the heat is a wondrous thing indeed! So I seared those up beautifully...

Then I added, admittedly in somewhat of a convoluted order, chopped zucchini, shallot, carrots, oyster mushrooms, and green onions, and let those cook for a good bit when I poured in a tad bit of white wine (chardonnay).

I let the wine cook down, and added some fresh spinach. I know, I know - Some of you don't like cooked spinach. It was either that or peas, take your pick! (Though I love peas too!)

Once that was all cooked, I threw in my cooked rice penne, added some grated Romano cheese, dried basil (oh fresh would have been awesome, but another time...), garlic powder, sea salt and fresh ground coarse grind black pepper... Gave it a couple good whirls with the spatula and drizzled it generously with a peppery extra virgin olive oil...

And wow was it good. I've made that same dish before, but normally I make it the lazy way, with only sausage, frozen veggies (zucchini, cauliflower, maybe broccoli) and no white wine - Just the dry seasonings and olive oil. It's really tasty, but this blew it out of the water.

I'd show you a picture but I ate it all before I could get one. Sorry.

Well until next time... Cheerio mate!

Happy 2012!

Wow, it's been a while! Shall I start by wishing you a happy 2012? Let me share a few bits of recentness from my life ~

CHURCH ~ In December my little church of 5+ years dissolved and disbanded due to financial hardship. We had been living off savings for some years, and with attendance and employment levels low the savings eventually dried up.

I have only checked out a couple churches since then due to the holidays falling on Sundays this year; I have also been attending somewhat regularly the Sunday PM service for a church in Escondido which Bible studies I've been attending for 2-3 years. I really like it there and the more I check out other churches the more I realize I would really enjoy going there. So next week I may check out their Sunday AM service...

HOBBIES ~ After my October visit to a friend in Abbotsford, BC (Canada) my enjoyment of painting was rekindled; I set up a desk and my painting supplies and began to paint again.

I also re-learned how to knit, thanks to my friend Val. She taught be how to purl as well, which I didn't know before. I learned a couple of patterns and we decided to start a blanket project where we would knit various patterned squares and sew them together into a patchwork blanket.

I'm not super great yet, and make occasional mistakes which send me calling on Val to fix... But I'm getting there! :)

WORK ~ I applied for a new position at work but didn't get it; nonetheless my current team was moved to the Risk department and given a different sort of focus and I am really enjoying the changes... And I am totally excited about the person who DID get the position, because I think it will make things a lot better (and my job a lot easier/ more interesting!).

We hired a 3rd person on our North America team this summer - And though I am still traveling around the country, I no longer have Texas under my belt. This is nice in a lot of ways but I will miss the people out there (and my visits with my dad's cousin who lives out there; she is awesome!).

MUSIC ~ Not much has changed on the music front. I did begin writing my first song of the new year, but lyrics have been slow in coming due to a lingering sinus infection which affects my singing ability (and thus lyric writing).

CONCLUSION ~ So that's about it for the end of 2011 and start of 2012! I'm excited to see what new things the Lord will do through my work, friendships and new church. :)

Happy New Year all!